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4/14/08 - Thanks to everyone who joined us for the Chris Rice concert on Saturday. We enjoyed the evening and had a lot of fun. Sammy definitely would have enjoyed it. We did have a moment afterward to introduce ourselves to Chris Rice and tell him a little bit about Sammy. I so wish we could have introduced Sammy to him, but that will have to wait until we all arrive in heaven.
4/12/08 - We had a good day on Sammy's birthday. I think he would have been proud of the way we celebrated his birthday. As I thought back to Sammy's 4th birthday, I remembered that I was serving jury duty that day. We had cake in the evening, but I missed out on spending that day with him due to my civic duty even though I could have used him as a good excuse for avoiding jury duty. I didn't because Sammy wasn't an excuse; he was a blessing.
4/10/08 - Today is Sammy's 5th birthday. We plan to celebrate the day by joining our family and Sammy's nurses for lunch. Then, we will all go to Sammy's preschool and join his classmates on the playground for a balloon release.
The emotions of this birthday are similar to the day of his birth. Due to the prenatal diagnosis of Sammy's HPE, we were facing the unknown on his birth day--we didn't know if it would be a happy day or a sad day. That's how it feels today, too. We're hopeful that it will be a happy day, but we are preparing for some sadness too. On the upside, my feet and ankles aren't swollen beyond recognition, and I don't expect that I'll be throwing up everywhere like I did on this day five years ago!
4/7/08 - If you're interested in joining us, we still have tickets remaining for the concert this Saturday and would love to have you join us! After we make a few phone calls on Monday, we may be able to offer transporation for you also!
3/31/08 - Did you hear about the Chris Rice concert on April 12 to celebrate Sammy's birthday? We have a block of 40 seats reserved for Sammy's "fan club", so if you're interested in attending the concert with us, let us know ASAP. We are also printing t-shirts for the concert, so if you are unable to attend the concert but would like a SammyYammy.com t-shirt, we will be selling those for $15 each. Sammy's signature photo (the one with the big ol' grin!) will be printed on the front of the t-shirt. Proceeds from the t-shirts will be donated to Families for HoPE, Inc.
3/18/08 - Steve and I were watching American Idol tonight, and the show always makes us think of Sammy. Sammy was born in 2003 during the second season of American Idol. He spent nearly four months in the neonatal ICU where there were no TVs; however, he eventually transferred to the pediatric ICU where he had a private room and his own TV. When we turned on the TV for that first time, American Idol was on.
We began playing music for Sammy while he was in the NICU, and it was obvious that he loved music very much. Each year, we would watch American Idol with him, and he would communicate his appreciation or dislike of a performer in his own unique way. If he disliked the performance, he had seizures. If he enjoyed the performance, no seizures. During the audition rounds when there were so many awful singers, we had to either change the channel or press “Mute” on the remote; otherwise, it would be “seizure-mania”.
In case you were curious, some of Sammy’s favorites over the years have been Carrie Underwood, Kelly Pickler, Melinda Doolittle, and Bucky Covington. This year, I have no idea who Sammy would have liked. Maybe Brooke?
3/9/08 - As we all prepare for this season of "March Madness", we share a quote by the legendary coach John Wooden. "Things work out best for people who make the best of the way things work out." When it came to Sammy's life, we often said that we were preparing ourselves for the worst but hoping for the best. We could quote the medical statistics of HPE backward and forward, so we were never in denial about the severity of the situation. We're sure that other people probably felt sorry for us, but we never felt sorry for ourselves. We made the best of it, and in return, we had the best time!
3/3/08 - I (Leslie) went out of town over the weekend for a girls' weekend. My friend, Heather (Harrison's mom), and I traveled to Bowling Green, Kentucky to meet up with two other friends from Alabama, Marki and Marilyn. All four of us have experienced the death of a child, and we gathered together in a rustic log cabin to share our stories and share our hearts. Although it might sound like a sad experience, it wasn't. Of course, we all talked about our children and experiences, but we also laughed and enjoyed each other's company! It was good.
2/27/08 - As you can see, Sammy's website has gone through a major overhaul! Everything is still here; it's just formatted differently and moved around a bit. The journey we started with Sammy still continues on as we carry him in our hearts rather than in our arms. We know that there is hope in spite of our grief. As we grieve and heal, we hope to share some of our stories, insights, and adventures with you. Won't you join us in the journey?
2/13/08 - We have been amazed at the number of messages we have received from total strangers who have stumbled across Sammy's website. Last week, Monica from Alexandria, Indiana, sent us a passage from a book entitled, "Letter from Heaven". This passage is a fictional answer to the question of "What do children do in heaven?"
...The first thing you might have noticed is that heaven is filled with their singing and laughter. They play together in grassy fields, catching bright-colored butterflies, giving them a quick kiss, and watching them fly away. In heaven, children can soar with the birds over a rainbow. Their laughter rings out like silver bells. Small groups of children sometimes spread out on their tummies on the velvet grass, coloring pictures with crayons of iridescent colors only seen in heaven.
During my long walk, I passed one little boy who was lying in a flower-covered meadow reading a book with his head resting on the back of a lion. A tiny lamb, pure and clean as snow, was curled up next to him. What a picture of total peace, security, and contentment. I saw the pleasure the animals bring to the children as they played together. Rosy-cheeked children were shouting merrily as they played hide-and-go-seek with baby kangaroos. Two little boys were taking a ride on the back of a graceful tiger. Another pair of adventuresome little girls were soaring through the cloudless sky on the wings of an eagle. Their hair was blowing straight out behind them as their joyous laughter rang through the pristine air. What a sight!
Are you surprised we have animals here in heaven? Why wouldn't there be? When God first created the human race, He put the animals under our protective care. Animals are very special to God. The children are able to enjoy their playfulness without any trace of harm or danger just as God intended when He created them. Never forget that animals had a special place in the garden, they have a special place there on earth, and they have a special place here in heaven where you can enjoy them in complete safety forever.
.....Children in heaven are joyfully cared for and tenderly loved by Jesus, the angels, and their many friends. As part of God's family, they're never sad or lonely. They love their family on earth but now with an intense, perfected love that is eternal. And one day, as they are swinging on the garden gate, they will see their parents and other loved ones who accepted God's gift of forgiveness step over the border into heaven!
2/12/08 - We went out of town last week. We drove to North Carolina to attend the Celebration of Life service for Cayden Arnold. Cayden's mom is on the board of directors of Families for HoPE, and she's one of our founding directors. Cayden was born in August 2003, just four months following Sammy's birth. Cayden passed away in his sleep on January 31, just three weeks after Sammy. The trip was very therapeutic and healing for us, allowing us to express our love and grief for both Sammy and Cayden, along with all of the other little ones with HPE who have passed away. Today, we learned that a writer from the Associated Press has written about Cayden and his special family. Click on this link from USA Today.
Steve returned to work yesterday following a leave of absence. I'm at home today, and today is my first day alone in the house since Sammy passed away. The only sounds I hear are the furnace running and drops of water from the leaky faucet in the bathroom just around the corner. It's quite different than it was with Sammy here when I'd hear the nurse's footsteps, the suction machine, the feeding pump alarms. No longer do I hear the phrases, "Sammy just threw up, again!", "Leslie, can you come look at this?", or "Did you realize that you're almost out of wipes?" Those phrases and sounds would be music to my ears today!
2/3/08 - A few nights ago, tornado warnings were issued in the area, and we didn't quite know what to do with ourselves. Typically, we would be scurrying around the house gathering up Sammy's medical equipment, emergency supplies, medications, and blankets in preparation for seeking shelter in our bathroom. On Memorial Day weekend a few years ago, a tornado did hit our neighborhood, and Sammy was safe and secure in the bathroom surrounded by everything he might need in the event of a disaster--except we had forgotten the Ambu Bag which he would need if he were to stop breathing. It was on that day when I realized that I house just isn't a home unless there's an Ambu Bag in every room!
A few nights ago, we were watching the storm roll in, listening to the emergency sirens blaring, and with a slightly-nervous voice Steve warned, "Leslie, you need to get things ready!" My reply was, "Okay . . . but you realize that all I have to do is walk into the bathroom and close the door, right?" It was strange that my mind wasn't racing with all of the "what ifs" and anticipating what steps I would need to take in an effort to keep Sammy safe because I have the peace and comfort of knowing that Sammy is completely safe and secure in heaven!
1/21/08 - The most frequently asked question we hear these days is, "How are you doing?" The simple answer is that we're doing okay. We miss Sammy so very much, and the house seems so quiet without him. We do plan to keep updating his website, and in the coming days and weeks, we hope to share with you some of the touching tributes that we have received. A few years ago, I turned off the Guestbook portion of Sammy's webpage because it became filled with entries that were spam messages; however, I think I'll turn it back on and allow messages again. So, if you want to share your thoughts, sympathies, or comments, please feel free to do so.
1/10/08 - On this morning exactly five years ago, we learned the devastating news that our unborn baby had a severe malformation of his brain known as holoprosencephaly (HPE). The front portion didn't separate to form the left and right hemispheres; it was fused together as one. We were cautioned that he could be stillborn, and if he did survive to birth, it was likely that he might not live very long. We were told that he would have severe mental retardation and facial deformities.
Within the coming days of the diagnosis, Steve and I decided that we would prepare for the worst, but hope for the best. We knew that our time with him might be limited, so we promised each other that we would make every day count. We tried our very best to give him as many experiences and opportunities as possible. We also had a keen awareness that Sammy was sent into this world to be a teacher, and we openly shared his life with others knowing that he was not ours alone. We deeply believe that God was using Sammy's life for a special purpose, and as parents, we tried our very best to stay out of His way and let God move in Sammy's life.
Today, I praise God that He has given me a cup overflowing with joy even in the midst of my sorrow. |
